Letting Go

Live

Lately, I have really enjoyed reading McMamma's blog. She recently posted an entry that I felt could have been written about me. The top part of this entry reminds me of some of my recent struggles. Click here to read it.

I love being in a leadership role. Every time I have taken a Spiritual Gifts inventory, leadership and administration have come up as strengths. Lately though, there are times that I feel like I have gotten in over my head. There are days that I want to just close my door and say let me be me. And just when I think I am ready to give in, God shows me a new path to things. I am not complaining about anything, actually I am truly honored with some of my recent undertakings. Just feeling a little overwhelmed at times.

Last week was really hard on me. I am still struggling with the fact that Linda is gone. There were certain parts of the day that I would always see her. Some days it would just be a smile and hello. Other days it would be an encouraging word or pat on the back. Each day was topped off with a smile. I find myself turning corners in the hall waiting to see her. I miss her eating lunch with us and keeping us laughing. I am thankful that I got to work so closely with her last year. On her last day, I am so thankful for our last conversation. The year before (when Linda was in my room every afternoon) when we made apple dumplings, Linda loved them. So this year when we made them, I made sure to save her one. Friday afternoon around 3:30, she came to my room. We spent about 20 minute just catching up and eating apple dumplings. Just trying to start a conversation I asked, "So hows life?" Linda's response, "Its all good". You were right Linda. It is all good. It is hard. It is fun. It is not fair. It has its moments. But it is all good. At the funeral, Linda's husband got up to talk. First of all I was amazed that he was able to do that. But most of all I loved what he had to say. He made a point to make sure you let people know how much you love them and appreciate them. As the pall bearers were ushering Linda out of the church, everyone stood and clapped to say "Job Well Done". It was an amazing experience. Just imagine, a church filled with people who loved and appreciated you, applauding your life. That was Linda. That is Linda.

The pain of that day was eased thanks to two good friends. Last year, Penny, Lakesha, Mrs. Cleere, Linda, and I became a "happy little family." Our happy little family got a little smaller last week but we were able to all turn to each other for love and support. I got to spend most of Wednesday with Penny and Lekesha. I don't think those two ladies know how much I appreciate them and how I look up to them. Our conversation in the car that day meant the world to me. One thing that I realized from our conversation is the intention of prayer. How many times has some one asked you to pray for them, a friend, or a cause only to say okay and then never follow through. We each decided that from now on, that when someone asks you to pray for them, that we would take a few seconds right then to say a prayer. That person doesn't have to know what you are doing, but it is the intentional act of following through with your promise.

I got to spend some good quality time with my Mom this weekend. Before I got married, my Mom was my best friend. She is still my best friend, I just don't get to do stuff with her like I did when I lived at home. Sunday we went to the Southern Women's Show. We got tickled at many of the pushy vendors, got to try some new things, and bought a few nifty gadgets. Afterwards we went shoe shopping. Now I am not a shoe person. Honestly, I hate buying shoes and once I find a pair that I actually like, I wear them until they fall apart. I hate shoe shopping unless I am with my Mom. Sunday we spent almost 2 hours shoe shopping and it seemed like only a few minutes. I walked away with a new pair of brown shoes and a new pair of black shoes. She walked away with a new pair of black high heels.

Ok...so I have rambled enough for tonight. Once last thought....a large emphasis this past week has been put on attitude and how you handle your struggles. We watched a clip from the movie "Facing the Giants" today during our faculty meeting. How fitting of a movie it was for our faculty. We have been faced with a lot of change this year. You can tell a lot about different people this year based on how they are handling the changes. One of my favorite quotes from Harry Potter puts it in perspective: "It is our choices [Harry], far more than our abilities, that shows who we truely are."